Life without drive-thru windows may just be Nirvana.

It is nearly New Year’s Resolution season, and, if I may put it in baseball terms, my resolution is on deck. This year, I’m straying from the typical resolutions. There will be no weight loss, no organizing, no watching my language. My resolution will be unique and long overdue. 2016 is the year I quit the convenience of drive-thru windows. These windows have had more than three strikes in my life, and they are OUT. I resolve to go in or go home.

I can’t remember the last time I went through a drive-thru and left with peace and harmony in my soul.  There is always something that bludgeons peace… a missing burrito, a spilled soup, or a botched “special order”. There are, of late, quite a few gripes that have gotten my proverbial goat, but the top offenders have so jaded my spirit that I must purge them before they permanently corrupt my ability to chill.

Here are the top 3 reasons I am giving up drive-thru convenience for 2016:

  1. They often use improper bag sizes for packing the order. Perhaps the boss issues a challenge for the employees: if you can fit that massive order into that teeny bag, you get a free hot fudge sundae. I get the bag. The bag bulges; it cannot close. I place the bag on the seat. The bagged contents shift with discomfort, and the items on top shiver. The bag stands tall, like a tower of blocks- one wrong move and it topples. And it always topples. Even in the most seemingly secure stance, it topples. And, on the rare occasions that it doesn’t flop, the bag reaches its limit and rips. I may practice a BYOB (bring your own bag) routine for future visits to the tiny-bag mecca.
  2. 95% of the time, my order has a mistake. Something is missing. Even the times when I’ve counted items to make sure it matches the receipt, there is a mistake. There’s beef in the vegetarian burrito, there’s no side salad- instead I find some sort of raisin carrot atrocity- or there is mayo on the plain burger.  I am on to these mistakes, and have since tried to quickly check the contents. The window worker at one establishment recently quipped, “We can’t be waiting for you to check the order, ma’am. Please pull forward.” Oy.
  3. “Please pull forward.” They push me into the dreaded “pull ahead” spot nearly every time. This occurs even when there is no one behind me…This spot requires that I wait an eternity for someone to rush out, hand off the bag, and dart back in. They rush back because they know. They know the order is wrong. This happened last week. They left out a a side salad. At this point, I’m forced to drive back through the window lane because I’m likely in my pajama pants.  As TomPetty aptly croons, “…and the waiting, is the hardest part…”

I look forward to peace and harmony in 2016! I will purge these oxymoronic drive-thru windows from my life.  Designed for convenience, they are plagued with torment. I will enter these establishments on two feet, armed with my own bags, and be ready to ensure accuracy. I shall enjoy the non-cooking nights of 2016 with my joie de vivre intact.